The date is the 14.01.25 (but also the 15.01.25), I'm attempting to try and write this before making the html page. Strange for me because I usually do it the other way around, I don't know how much I can handle of this, so actually, I think I will only write half here and then half of it when I'm done with the design. I just had the UUURGE to write before my thoughts join the rest of the thought cemetery graveyard. What's the difference between a cemetery and a graveyard?

So who knows, really. I'm going to take hours finishing this page up so I may as well just say I did this on the 15th. It's almost 11 at night as of writing this.

update: I didn't.

Why is drawing so hard? It's taking me a big deal relearning drawing right now because drawing sonic characters is a whole other story than drawing humans for years and years and years. Whoever said sonic was easy to draw lied. Okay, no I lied. I'm drawing the (cute, attractive, hot) mess that is metal sonic so maybe that's something else. I've tried drawing sonic himself and it was also difficult but not as quite as this robot. For some reason I feel my body heating up to 40 celsius when writing about metal sonic. Maybe I have a problem. This is kind of humiliating to write.

Mostly I'm glad I am even attempting!!! how can you know you'll fail if you never have done it? I think having to do 2 sudden presentations in a room full of people earlier today gave me the kind of kick of bravery I needed to even attempt. It's tempting to give up all the time, but I really really, really want to be able to draw the characters that I love. Again, if this was a friend speaking, I would tell her that she should focus less on the greater outlook (the goal of being able to perfectly draw sonic characters) and focus more on how to get there and to have fun not to stress out. I'm really trying to be positive if you can't tell. I'm having a really busy week where I'm constantly pushed out of my comfort zone but maybe that's something I needed, at least, today was going great.

I just had to remove a whole passage about sounding more confident during public speeches if you don't respect or care for anyones opinion but I felt like it was too mean lol. But it's true. I'm getting more and more to the point where I just don't give a single shit what anyone thinks of me, except for my girlfriend and my friends...uh, I guess anyone I WANT to impress. But you don't have to like me all the time.

Maybe I'm not so sure what I want from myself. I want to reach my goals quicker, faster, I put little thought of the journey of it into thought. This entire text feels so mindless omg. But this is such prime thought material, more of this and not "hello my day was bad because I slipped on ice" .... i need to stop beating myself up omg. It's my site, nobody is reading this, who give a shit.I really don't want to beat myself up. It's so easy seeing something ugly I drew and losing all the motivation I had previously. But is it fair though, I don't know. I still feel like I did something bad recently. Maybe I did something wrong somewhere along the way. I feel bad when people wish me good things, because I don't know if i did anything to deserve such treatment!

You should btw totally click and drag sonic into the trash