Todays date is the 22.05.25. Super great day, I just sighed so loud like those dogs do with no job, no hobby, well fed, 18 hours of sleep. Honestly I haven't been well, so much for enjoying my remaining 2 months. I just want to word vomit it all out. I don't care anymore.

There's nothing wrong with me. And still I rot away in fear, even though I realized that I rather have tried and created utter shit than to not have tried at all. Yes, this is about creative projects and art. Yes, it is that deep. I just can't consume for too long, I strive to create but it's so stessful even when I have an audience of 0, maybe moreso because of that. That way, the only person left to please is myself. That person is the hardest of all to please.

I'm dumb, I DON'T KNOW... the only solution here is to JUST DO IT. There is legit no cheat code to this. And I still don't do shit. I will try, I guess. Kind of hard when everything else is utter shit too. I talk to people. Right now I talk to more people than years before.

I lied, actually. I don't talk to people. People talk to me. I'm not important enough to get to know. People only want my generosity in stupid kid games. I don't even know what to do. Praise doesn't feel the same way either. Either I start crying or it feels ingenuine.

I have no opps, but if I had some: fuck you, I'll pick myself back up eventually and you won't!