Date is the 17.02.25 today. I'm officially a woman in STEM now, or at least in 6 months when the job actually starts. Part of it involves going back to school like 2 days a week alongside the work, and I can't say I'm more excited than absolutely terrified because well, I AM TERRIFIED. I'm already worrying about stuff I shouldn't even think about yet. But I'm gonna do this thang, it's the job I chose after all.

I should be glad though, and I am, I worked hard to get this, but for now and the future anxiety will forever win. What else have I been doing? Getting back to drawing! After I found out my printer could scan I did some tradiditional art and I'm going to keep at it but I also REALLY wanna try animatics/animating. We're all visual creatures I get it, if I wanna blow up anywhere I need to make reels (never gonna dl tiktok)...maybe I still crave compliments at the end of the day. Last flute lesson my teacher praised me lots, made me grin like an idiot, because I missed getting efforts recognized. I don't talk to many people online nowadays.

Not so sure if that's going to be a problem for the future either. Maybe not. I'm perfectly content not being exposed to opinions I don't share. Idk, I just don't know? But the more I think about it, life's always been this way for me! I never change!

WAIT!

My god, I almost forgot. Hear this: Hokytoky as a website name actually came from my love for this song actually. Hell yeah, let's make this the theme song for my site. Now with that out of the way, I also wanted to mention another thought: brainrot. My brain is on that Ipad baby subway surfers instagram reel AI voice no attention span grind, that's what my existence feels like. Focusing is extremely hard, but I'm slowly forcing myself to recover. It's an endless loop: watch uninteresting video or play roblox, get bored, close it. Open it again, because what else do I do? But no more, I don't wanna, I know damn well nothing is even interesting on there! (well Roblox is cool but not for 8 hours a day..)

Knowing it's not even worth it and still doing it is what's annoying. Still, I'm drawing, it may piss me off how nothing looks the way I want, but the effort was there. Lastly funny thing that happened my friend was wearing a gorgeous outfit after gym, then I looked down, and she had the most goofy socks on I ever saw OMG. I had to ask her "HOW LONG HAS THIS BEEN GOING ON!?" because she mentioned having worn these around me before and I never knew omg. You never know what these mfs hide. AHHH I FEEL SO WEIRD LATELY!